What should have been a sweet memory of my grandmother instead rocked my world today. Rather than smiling sweetly about something I had long forgotten, I found myself shaken to my core. A great big bawling mess questioning if this was PTSD or depression, or if I was just plain ole losing it. If you have PTSD or depression you just process things differently, questioning if you deserve that moment of happiness that a long ago memory can bring, or crying for what seems an odd reason, or no reason at all. I suppose that crying is cathartic for some, but really for me it just drags me down deeper into depression and feelings that I'm not quite sure what to do with. I also tend to ask questions of David that I'm not sure I really want answered, and when they are answered leave me with hurt feelings and unsure of myself. Also to be honest in these conversations I don't remember a whole lot because I'm so emotionally charged, but on the other hand I can get hyper aware and focus on one thing too much.
So what do two people with PTSD do when one is set off on a emotional roller coaster? You love them. You're sympathetic without trying to get bogged down in your own emotional baggage. You listen, and if you're anything like David you give sage emotional insight. Then if you're like me you take one little nugget of the sage insight and hold on to it and try to figure out how to apply it to your life.
So not every memory hits like a ton of bricks but when they do it's okay to take your time processing them.
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