Burdens

I'm at a place where I have this burden, and I cannot put it down or lay it at God's feet as much as I wish I could. It literally resides in my own mind, it is a part of me. I know of Matthew 11:29-30
"for my burden is light," and 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 "My grace is sufficient for you". I have prayed these in recent days. But what do you do when you feel your brain is betraying you, no longer thinking logically and cohesively, and you're on a emotional roller coaster.  That feeling far from being safe and fun, you're not strapped in, tossed to and fro, soon to be thrown out, and crushed to death. Yes I've called my doctor, and no she hasn't gotten back to me yet.

So I've prayed a lot, asked for a lot of prayer, and been prayed over. I've called my doctor.  Now what?! How can I lay this at God's feet, what do I do? I don't believe that bullshit crap about depression is a person being strong for too long, or that's it's just something you bootstrap yourself out of. Most of the time it is a brain chemistry thing, and the rest it's something you've done to your self, most likely by abiding in too many brain altering chemicals. Yes, I've simplified it and probably offended some people, and for that I'm sorry. I happen to fall in my brain just doesn't chemical right so I'm bi-polar.  Being bi-polar seldom, if ever, bothers me now that I'm medicated. I enjoy life and live a normal life.  That was until a recent medicine was introduced, and now six weeks later I'm left wondering what's up, down, left or right. The grown up in me knows that the doctor needs to ween me off this medicine and try something different, but the broken girl, who was undiagnosed for so long, is screaming at God for intervention and help immediately.  I don't enjoy living, feeling, and thinking like my pre-medication days.

So, again I wonder how I lay this burden at His feet? Have I done it just by confessing my fears and my needs and wants? Did I by just do it by being honest with you, and therefore myself and God? I think I might have. I'm still a crying mess, but I feel unburdened.  I'm still on that emotional roller coaster, and my thinking still isn't logical, or cohesive, but I do feel better.

Thanks be to God!