To give you some background, David and I both suffer from PTSD, depression, and anxiety. We also have a daughter who suffers from depression and anxiety. And to round things out we have two sons who fall in the autism spectrum, both highly functioning. Needless to say, we're a little bit quirky but we have a ton of love for each other and for others.
Tomorrow is a big day for us and one we have been looking forward to it as well. It's Panther Fest and Slide the City is coming to town. We've scored unlimited rides on the slide, yippee! Today I stood in line for an hour and a half to get our tickets and goodie bag, this was suppose to be the fast track. No biggie. Side track here.... I tend to notice that I'm exhibiting physical signs of having a anxiety attack, rather than being mentally aware of a change in my mental status. So I'm having anxiety as I'm preparing for tomorrow and making sure everything is ready to go. Then David starts having anxiety about tomorrow and not sure if he wants to go. He thinks that his may be due to do with how he expected to be working in Colorado by this time. Did I mention I'm also having a migraine?! So this is not a real fun situation. Thankfully we aren't fighting!
So, I love David, a lot. And if you know us personally you know I put up with a lot, and well he puts up with a lot more. There isn't much I wouldn't do for my husband or children and close and dear friends, same goes with our family. In general I do tend towards snarky and sarcastic, but under that I'm a tub of goo. I give great advice, and also some not so great advice. Then, today I gave harsh advice that benefited me. So today's advice to David was harsh, and not as loving wife but not totally out of character for me. It totally was meant to benefit me, and only me. I really don't want to be there by myself with nobody to watch our stuff plus what if Steven begins to have a melt down. I just wanted my better half there with me just in case. See, the advice is benefiting only me. As much as I love David I wasn't going to let him get out of going to the Panther Fest or slide with me and the boys. My advice for him dealing with his anxiety about tomorrow was "Put on your big boy undies". He gave me this look like, "you wouldn't expect me to tell you to put on you big girl undies". Yes, I was being hypocritical and really do want to be treated like I'm special, a queen, and fragile. I should have had more compassion and been more loving. I also teared up and acknowledged that I was being hypocritical. But I'm not fragile, but I am special and a queen in my Father's eyes, and David's too. I can do better and people don't need to walk on egg shells around me. So my harsh advice to myself is...."Put on my big girl undies, even if they are Underoos."
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